If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
