I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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