Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize