When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
