Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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