I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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