"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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