I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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