Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
