If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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