I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
