We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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