found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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