It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
