Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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