apparently the secret to your success is patron
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
