Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
