Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
