I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
