did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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