Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
