wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ugly people sure do ruin things
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
