I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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