At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Someone shattered a urinal.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize