Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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