Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
