i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
