"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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