So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
