if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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