OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
