I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
