Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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