it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
