I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
