I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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