Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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