Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
