I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
