chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
