Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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