I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
