Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
