She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
