you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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