I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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