If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
