Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
