I have demons in me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
