Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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