i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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