I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
