I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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