weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
