I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
