I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
