i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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