if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
