he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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