Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
