She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
