I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
