Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
