Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
