just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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