ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
