New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize